New Name Needed, Apply Within

Of all the great hits that David Ortiz has had in his year-plus with the Red Sox, the one that would cement his status as a Boston sports legend — and hero of the human race — is less than a foot away from reality in this photo. Stretch that left arm, David, and let loose your mighty fist into the gaping maw of that grandstanding parasite. And once he flops on the floor, babbling in and out of unconciousness, do me one more favor: reach into his pocket, pull out his wallet, and take back that $8 he owes me for watching Reindeer Games. Don’t send it back to me, David. Keep it for yourself, buy yourself a nice cocktail at The Rack during this six-game homestand. You can go 0-for-300 the rest of the season and you’ll still be my hero.