You Can’t Spell “Dokken” Without “OK”
Today’s entry is brought to you by the cover of this Dokken album that I willfully purchased within a year of its 1985 release, and listened to regularly on the regular fifty-minute bus trip from Schweinfurt to Würzburg. Indeed, there was a time in my life when I would staunchly defend the artistic merits of the waxy disk within. God, I feel hideous thinking about that. But isn’t it healthy to occasionally confront demons from one’s past, cleaning out the psychological basement of repressed memory for an embarrassment yard sale now that the weather’s getting nice?
Sad to say, this album’s musical quality ranks around the median of the record collection of my youth. Hindsight is 20/20, the adage goes, which gives me a crystal clear view of the river of sonic sewage I allowed to flow through my teenaged years. If the Environmental Protection Agency’s jurisdiction in the mid- to late-eighties included music, my room would easily have been declared a Superfund site.
And such a bizarre combination of noxious ingredients, too. Light inoffensive LPs from Huey Lewis and Men at Work leaning against the acronymous metallic piffle of Y&T and W.A.S.P. Nancy Wilson’s on-cover cleavage had me convinced that Heart’s eponymous album was worth heavy Walkman rotation; to this day, I can still sing “Nothin’ At All” from beginning to end, and I may be the only person on the planet who can (Wilson sisters included). Once I actually taped a Debbie Gibson album borrowed from some girl, and my credibilty wishes to God I did so with a sense of detached irony. Most horrifying: on my last visit to my parents’, I found irrefutable evidence that I once owned Toto IV, an album which is the musical equivalent of sarin gas.
What’s the point of telling you all this? Do I expect salvation by baring my early love of the cheesy? No, but I certainly expect all readers of this post to admit at least one of the musical accidents of their formative years in the Comments section.
Unfortunately, it was Thriller.
Fortunately, I wasn’t invited back to the Ranch for a sleepover.
Thriller is one of the greatest albums ever ever ever. How dare you besmirch its name. Eddie Van Halen soloed on “Beat It,” and didn’t take a penny in payment for it! The video! Gaah!
Although “The Girl Is Mine” nearly ruins it entirely. I’ll pretend that you’re just disparaging a 45 of “The Girl Is Mine,” and I’ll feel better.
Frampton. Peter Frampton. The record that came out after ‘Frampton Comes Alive.’ I don’t recall the title, but he was somewhat (hairlessly?) bare-chested on the cover.
This is what happens to a girl when her older brothers finally leave the house to go to college and leave her alone to fend for herself, musically.
The Bee Gees. I was ten, and listened to the “Saturday Night Fever” soundtrack obsessively.
Then “Who Are You” came out, and everything was fine until a year ago when I found the Russian-language versions of Tatu’s songs.
Regretably, I have two words for you:
Milli
Vanilli
Tragically, and without even some limp excuse such as, “I liked to dance,” the first compact disc I ever purchased.
I confess to buying “The Very BEAST [sic] of Dio”.
LAST MONTH. There’s no shame, as long as no one else sees me with it
Ugh, you guys are all sick!
Except for Tatu. I can appreciate that.
As a multi-album owner of bands such as Ratt, Poison, Motley Crue, Queensryche, and of course Dokken, I have way too many “accidents” to admit to. I did go through this awkward speed metal phase that included Armored Saint and Exodus – didn’t really suit the rest of my uber-dorky persona.
I’ve put a little more thought into this, since many of the bands that have been mentioned here still aren’t bad by my standards (you’ve reminded me I need to go replace my lost copy of Queensyrche Empire, for example). But here are two selections (with AMAZON clips!) where I think I really did go too far:
Savatage: Hall of the Mountain King
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000002ILK/103-4827295-0075860?v=glance
Anthrax: State of Euphoria
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000001FSU/qid=1082905091/sr=1-10/ref=sr_1_10/103-4827295-0075860?v=glance&s=music
Anthrax really peaked with Attack of the Killer B’s. After that, it was all downhill into their “Will Do White-Boy Rap For Food” period. Maybe I can give them some credit for Volume 8: The Threat Is Real. Born Again Idiot is an amazing song…
I would humbly submit, that this record of past musical discrepancies (which I share) is less offensive than my attendance at a recent Air Supply concert. Thank you Mohegan Sun for taking my wallet and my pride. Somehow “my wife made me go” falls flat when its the 4th time you’ve scene the Australian pop-uberstars of the early 80′s. If anyone sees a backbone on E-Bay, please let me know.
Damn, this is a psychologically liberating experience.
Last night, I listened to “Balls To The Wall” by Accept. Check out this picture of the band:
http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&uid=UIDSUB040404261527161040&sql=Bwi0xlfae5cqo
Either the rest of the band is kneeling or Udo is standing on a milk crate AND HE STILL LOOKS TINY! Hair metal and midgets, together at last!
three words:
flock
of
seagulls
Wow, I didn’t think anyone else listened to “Balls to the Wall”… That’s #17 in my MP3 playlist here at work. Damn, now it’s stuck in my head and I can’t find my headphones.
Where to begin? I still love Air Supply, so you know the skeletons in my musical closet are many. Highlights include:
The Bay City Rollers
Menudo – Ohh Ricky!!!!
Billy Ocean
I guess I just had a thing for the non-threatening boys who sang love songs.
You know, you misspelled Chaka’s name. With your spelling, she’s now Jewish. It’s Khan, not Kahn.
If only I had to admit owning anything with the Bee Gee’s. I had the audacity and incredibly poor taste to buy their bastardization of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Oh, the shame.
However, I’ll have to say that Earth, Wind and Fire’s cover of “Got To Get You Into My Life” wasn’t half-bad. Their horn section was smokin’.