The ones who love us best are the ones we’ll lay to rest,
And visit their graves on holidays at best
The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please
If it’s any consolation, I don’t begin to understand them
Gonna make you a star
And show the world your green, green eyes
See your smiling face
Everywhere, everyplace
We could turn it upside down
We could turn it inside out
We’ll give you everything
Things that you’d never need
Things that you’d never dream
Things like eternity
Gonna make you a star
Look at this man:
This man is Kelly Keagy.
This. Man. Is.
NIGHT RANGER.
that girl in the liquor store
she likes legislation
cloture votes and quorum calls
parliamentary machinations
It’s hard to fit the words “Rip Da Bitch Up — Young Jeezy featuring DMX, T-Pain, Z-Rain, F-Train, MCL-Sprain, Trick Daddy, Lil Wayne, Huge Wayne, Hizzle Nizzle, 5-Finger-Fatback, Russ-T Trombonz, produced by Timbaland, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Kanye West, Fognoggin and Perry Como, featured on the motion picture soundtrack from The Fast And The Furious 3: Driving Fast And Crashing Into Shit, available as a ringtone from boost.com for just $2.99″ on a CD label.
In a last-ditch attempt to defeat personal demons and increase my quality of life, I have decided to cleanse my soul by listening to Chuck Mangione’s 1978 hit “Feels So Good” [iTunes link] for the entire work day. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I’ve called up the longer 9 minute 42 second track. Updates will be posted throughout the day.
11:03AM: Song has played twenty times so far. I feel a little sleepier than before I started this experiment.
11:52AM: I wonder what Rachelle, a girlfriend from the summer of 1990, has been doing recently. I’ll bet for sure she hasn’t been listening to a goddamned flugelhorn for over three hours.
12:33PM: Slowly realizing why some people drink on the job.
1:05PM: Someone just walked into my office thinking it was an elevator.
1:54PM: According to Wikipedia, prominent jazz flugelhorn players include Miles Davis, Clark Terry, Freddie Hubbard, Art Farmer, Hugh Masekela, Tony Guerrero, Jimmy Owens, Chet Baker, Chuck Mangione, Maynard Ferguson, Woody Shaw, Kenny Wheeler and Tom Harrell.” Only one of these people is currently torturing me and needs to die.
2:44PM: The song has been playing on my MacBook Pro throughout my group’s weekly meeting. A co-worker asked me, “What’s with the “Sanford and Son” music?” Tomorrow I will be listening to the theme from “Sanford and Son” for the entire work day.
3:38PM: Andrew has suggested I spend a day listening to New York Jets coach Eric Mangini next time.
4:10PM: This has been like being on hold with the cable company for almost eight hours. Which, oddly enough, is shorter than I usually have to wait.
4:24PM: Fifty-four. Fifty-four times I have played this song today. Which is about the same rate as most Eastern Maine radio stations play it.
4:44PM: That’s it, I’m done. Quit midway during the fifty-seventh playing. I’d like to say that I’ve learned something about the nature of man, or could describe a transcendental experience as a result of this experiment. I’d also like to say I have a pony, the prettiest pony on Planet Pony.
All I know is that it really isn’t that hard to listen to a well-crafted pop song for an entire work day. I’d like to challenge the Internets to provide me with suggestions of popular songs — the definition of “popular song” is not firm — that I could not stomach for one full day of work. I can promise at least two independent observers for verification, and one iPod to ensure that I have constant access to the song even away from my laptop. After today’s experiment, I’m pretty sure that I could even handle “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” or “We Built This City” for nine hours. Strike that, I’m sure I could handle five full days of work, Monday through Friday, with either of those songs constantly playing, and at least five independent observers to monitor my performance. Hell, I’ll even print out pictures of the band and decorate my office door prior to beginning. Bring me your worst.
I bet more young Americans would pick up yodeling as a hobby if people in the Alps would meet them halfway and start yodeling about text messaging and crunk juice.
I think that modern popular music might sound better if there was more use of the note C flat. I would like Mr. Kid Rock to consider this.
I think older white people wouldn’t be so scared of rap music if rappers watched more reruns of Matlock, because then the rappers would know that older white people can be really smart and tough in their own way, and the rap music might no longer be about guns and money and ho’s, but instead would have clever references to comfortable clothing with elastic waistbands and the need for extra calcium. I would like Mr. 50 Cent to consider this.