New Name Needed, Apply Within » Politics

I Am A Disenfranchised Voter

Michael — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:49:21 +0000

I showed up to vote at 8:30 Tuesday morning and found that I could not vote. I may be part of a teeny tiny district, but ALL obstructions to our electoral process must be uncovered and the responsible parties punished, regardless of party affiliation. If this happens to you, don’t take it sitting down. Stand up and fight. Record everything you can about the situation: time, names, descriptions of people, and every last word of the confusing legalese they’ll use to keep you from voting, like “polls open at 10:00.”

2008 Presidential Election Wrap-Up

Michael — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:46:31 +0000

My one post on the 2008 Presidential election is a direct copy of one made by Bruce “McQ” McQuain at Q&O:

Congratulations to the new President-elect, Barack Obama, and the Democrats on their victory last night.
Now comes the hard part.
I look forward to 4 years of enlightened, moderate, fiscally responsible and non-intrusive, liberty enhancing governance.
That’s my definition of “change” by the way.
If that’s not the case, look forward to hearing about it on a regular basis.
Until then – enjoy.

[ From http://www.qando.net/ - It’s Obama! ]

Separated At Birth, Part II

Michael — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:19:10 +0000

Something about Michelle Obama has been bugging me ever since the first time I saw her on television — some tiny nagging visceral itch at the back of my brainstem. A few minutes ago, I finally realized what it was.
Skin and hair color aside, Michelle is a nearly a dead ringer for Reese Witherspoon.

It goes without saying that they’re a much more attractive pair than the last politically relevant fraternal twins I discovered.

On Political Memes

Michael — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:59:04 +0000

If “Barack Obama is your new bicycle,” Joe Biden is the old cracked helmet you have to wear because your mom is too cheap to buy a new one.

On Middle East Politics

Michael — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 03:45:33 +0000

Call me a political tyro if you must, but I bet if you could get all the Israelis and Palestinians into the same room with a copy of Gigli playing on a large projection screen, they’d forget about all this Gaza Strip nonsense and instead start arguing over whether Ben made J-Lo break off the engagement or vice-versa.
And then while they’re distracted, we could all sneak into Jerusalem and steal the secret pornography stash they’ve been fighting over for the last 3,000 years.

Inactivity = Goldmine!

Michael — Thu, 09 Sep 2004 17:33:09 +0000

The secret of attracting traffic to your website? Don’t update it for a while, then hope that political events produce a demand that only your neglected Internet presence can provide!
Thanks to the expected addition of James Carville to the Kerry/Edwards ~~catastrophe~~ campaign team, the right-wing troublemakers at Free Republic and other discussion forums brought over 2,000 hits yesterday to this entry. They’re only posting the image, of course, not headlining their message with “Michael Genrich is the most striking political satirist of our time, and this picture proves it!” Which, by the way, I really don’t think is too much to ask them to do.
Note to the Kerry campaign: bringing Carville and Begala onboard at this stage of the campaign will be about as helpful as ordering another pitcher of Pabst Blue Ribbon after you’ve already retched the last three into the bushes. It reeks of bad judgement and bad taste.

On Electoral Reform

Michael — Mon, 12 Jul 2004 19:47:37 +0000

I think it’s kind of a waste that every four years Americans vote for electors for the Electoral College who then in turn vote for the President and Vice President, and nothing else. I think that as long as we’ve gone through the trouble to assemble the College, we should get them to vote on some other important things, like which members of Congress are secretly gay, because I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion about some of those guys on the Senate Rules Committee.

On Presidential Memoirs

Michael — Mon, 12 Jul 2004 19:27:57 +0000

I bet more people would have really liked Bill Clinton’s autobiography if the former President had thrown in some stuff about demon-possessed cars, or werewolves in a small Maine town, because when Stephen King writes about things like that people seem to really like it. Either that or some more stuff about all the blowjobs.

On Liberty

Michael — Thu, 08 Jul 2004 12:47:57 +0000

While it is deservedly illegal to make threats against the President, I think it should be perfectly acceptable to make threats against yourself in front of the President, just to keep him on his toes. For example, if you wrangled your way into a $10,000-a-plate fundraising dinner, and you decided to have the salmon instead of the lamb medallions with rosemary, when the President came around to shake everyone’s hand and thank them for coming, you could stand up and say, “Mister President, I’m going to eat this piece of salmon without checking for bones,” which is clearly an act that puts yourself in danger, and the Secret Service should be powerless to stop you. This would be a fantastic scene in a movie where Harrison Ford plays the President and Clint Eastwood plays a grizzled veteran Secret Service agent, although that kind of star power probably attracts the type of catering services that meticulously check for fish bones before serving, so maybe we’ll get Steve Guttenberg and Mark Linn-Baker instead. Otherwise, we live in fascist times.

Political Science

Michael — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 18:21:35 +0000

If I had been a framer of the Consitution of the United States of America, I think I would have added something to Article II, Section 3, where certain responsibilities of the President are enunciated, requiring that the President spend at least two hours a day solving complicated mathematical equations, and the Vice President is not allowed to help, so there would be no point in asking someone like John Nash or Norbert Wiener to be one’s running mate, unless they had really good ideas about enforcing the Sarbanes-Oxley Act or something like that. I think this would have stopped that whole Clinton-Lewinsky thing in its infancy, because the ladies aren’t hot for math nerds.

Political Punditry

Michael — Mon, 21 Jun 2004 18:16:25 +0000

Instead of selecting Peter Camejo as his running mate, I think Ralph Nader should have held a contest where everyone in America would vote for their favorite type of candy, and then huge amounts of the candy that won the contest would be given to every American for free. Then since Americans really like candy, some would eat their huge supply too fast and get sick or die, and then Ralph Nader could use his Consumer Advocacy Superpowers to sue the manufacturer of the candy for a whole lot of money, and then Ralph would have so much money that he would lose interest in running for President, which would be nice for me because I think he is very weird and I don’t like seeing him on TV. But I do like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, which is my vote in case he decides to listen to my advice.

Diplomacy

Michael — Mon, 21 Jun 2004 17:02:34 +0000

I think that instead of terrorists hating Americans and Americans hating terrorists and other countries hating other countries, everyone should just instead agree that Tina Yothers is kind of annoying and that Family Ties really wasn’t a very good show.

When I Go To Factories, I Just Take A Tour

Michael — Fri, 02 Apr 2004 19:48:29 +0000

Not John Kerry. He makes things happen instantly!
Kerry Unveils Plan to Create Manufacturing Jobs During Visit to NH Factory
If this man can create manufacturing jobs simply by visiting a factory, then why the hell is he running for President? He should be ferried at government expense from factory to factory, plant to plant, assembly to assembly, working his unique brand of employment magic until the national industrial engine is fully manned.
How does he do it? I can only guess that Senator Forbes Kerry strutted into this particular New Hampshire factory foreman’s office flanked by two representatives of Manchester’s unemployed class, peeled a thousand C-notes off the $525 million wad he carries with him at all times, and declared “these two men now work for you, and you shall pay them $50,000 this year using this trifling amount of money I have just placed into your wretched hands.” That seems the kind of common touch for which the man is so well known.
Perhaps his next step should be unleashing a plan to create clearer headlines during his next visit to campaign HQ.

Too Bad Bob Graham Dropped Out, He Could Have Been Nader

Michael — Wed, 03 Dec 2003 18:13:34 +0000

Thank goodness that Dan has taken on the tough job of insightful political gamesmanship. Compare and contrast your favorite nutjob candidates of today with the nutjob candidates of yesteryear with his Presidential Primary Matchup Poll. Get your answers in now for a chance to win valuable prizes from the New Hampshire seacoast, which Dan doesn’t know he’s offering to winners yet.
While the Matchup Poll is a fine use of the Internet for the making of political funny, there is truly only one example that dared to ask the most important question: Which fringe Presidential candidate should be Van Halen’s next singer?

I Could See Ashcroft as “Cobra Commander”

Michael — Thu, 18 Sep 2003 15:05:06 +0000

Help answer the most important question in modern government history: Which political figure looks most like Skeletor?

Any Taxable Income In These Pampers?

Michael — Tue, 16 Sep 2003 13:39:04 +0000

My kids have the same reaction when handled by Democrats.

Don’t Ask What They Think Of Begala

Michael — Wed, 10 Sep 2003 20:55:14 +0000

Tucker Carlson, one of the hosts of CNN’s Crossfire, has a new book out about his experiences as a television news commentator. I like what I’ve read of his writing in the past, so I popped over to Amazon to buy the book.
Amazon, however, appears to have a view of Tucker’s co-host that is less than optimal. I decided to let CNN know this through their online contact form:

Please advise Tucker that Amazon.com feels that people who buy his new book “Politicians, Partisans, and Parasites: My Adventures in Cable News” may also be interested in Colon Disorders, Herbal Parasite Remedies, and Parasite Elimination Help.
Personally, I think it’s rather rude of them to describe Carville like that.
Michael Genrich
Southwest Harbor, ME

If they air this letter, I’ll buy all my regular readers a slice of pie.

If We Don’t Win, We Can Open A Baskin Robbins

Michael — Tue, 12 Aug 2003 18:47:12 +0000

Some things don’t need words to explain them. Below is one of those things.
John Edwards’s campaign headquarters in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (click picture for larger image):

Thanks to Dan for the photo.

Acting Governor

Michael — Thu, 07 Aug 2003 20:10:12 +0000

Attention Media Members: please feel free to use these awful headlines I’ve created in your obsessive coverage of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s gubernatorial bid:

The Two-Year-Terminator
Jingle All The Way To The Governor’s Mansion
If We Elect Him, He Can’t Make Terminator 4
What’s Harder To Spell: “Gubernatorial” Or “Schwarzenegger”?
Now You Can Vote For A Big Austrian Guy
Hey Let’s Make Another Insipid Reference To “Total Recall” or “The Running Man” Because We’re A Sucky Small-Town Paper

Help Me, You Beautiful People

Michael — Thu, 03 Jul 2003 18:22:55 +0000

I am looking for a picture of Hillary Clinton eating a sandwich. Please help me find a picture of Hillary Clinton eating a sandwich. Thank you.
UPDATE: Wow, that was fast. Thank you to the anonymous donor of the following:

PLEASE NOTE: I am not looking for pictures of Monica Lewinsky eating anything.